sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
