You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i came on her dog
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
