wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
