She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So much Jack, so little girl.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize