Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
