stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
