fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
