So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize