we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize