He passed out mid-signature
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
