My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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