Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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