you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
