I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
