so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
