On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
