Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
