i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
