Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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