I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
