Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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