I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize