So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm at about main and main street
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize