I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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