I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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