I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
