I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
