you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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