Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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