My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
