yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
