There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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