Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There was a lot of him and a little penis
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
MIDGETS
????
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
