You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
