I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize