I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
