So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize