This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
