Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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