3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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