You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
