i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
