how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
