okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
