Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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