Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
