I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
