all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
