we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
