its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
