just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
