By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
