It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize