Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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