census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
