he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dear god my vagina.
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