I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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