I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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