guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
