So drunk, too bad you don't want this
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
