I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
