either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
