Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
