the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sobbing to NWA
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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