meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
love makes seman taste better
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
