Your tits are I can't wait for
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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