i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
