Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
