my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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