one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
