Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
