Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
