no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
